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Breaking the Co-Sleeping Habit with Toddlers - For the Parents Who Aren't Loving it

courtneyannclark193

Updated: Aug 14, 2024


Let me begin this blog by saying that I am very pro co-sleeping. Co-sleeping can be the most lovely way to bond with your child. All over the world people co-sleep with their kids. But this blog is not for those families. This blog is for the families who are tired of the wriggling or for the families that never meant to co-sleep in the first place.



One thing to note is that if you are rocking or feeding to sleep- I would work on this first. Babies that are being assisted to sleep have what we call "sleep associations" and wake in the night and need help to get back to sleep. This is often how little one's become co-sleepers (for the parents who didn't originally intend to co-sleep) as parents get tired of getting up and going over to the little one's separate bed.


There are two main (gentle) methods for toddlers: one is "The Chair Method" and the other is a "Check In" method. This blog post is about the Chair Method sleep strategy. The best method to use is dependant on the child's temperament and what the current situation looks like. The Chair Method is very popular as it can be very gradual for those who want no crying. This method does take time and work- I would plan to devote about 3 weeks at bedtime to this method. Depending on the age of the toddler- one could do this method still in a crib or they could do it in a toddler bed with a baby proofed room and gate on the door. I will use a toddler bed in my example but it can be modified.



Step one: Spend some time in the day getting the toddler used to being in their own bedroom. Try some "quiet play" activities and encourage the excitement of having a new bed.


Step two: Start a sleep transition at night time since melatonin (due to darkness) will help the little one fall asleep. Do your normal bedtime routine (in dim lightning) and allow for the last 20 minutes of the routine to include dark time.


Step three: Snuggle your little one until they fall asleep. They are in a new bed- so it is normal for them to find this scary and great change. This is enough of a change for the first few nights. They will ask you to come to them in the middle of the night and snuggle in the bed until they fall asleep. That's okay- this is what it looks like when putting a sleep transition in place. Short term pain, long term gain.


Step four: Why they call it "the chair method. " Place a chair next to the bed and allow the little one to fall asleep in the bed while you sit in a chair right next to the bed. You can hug, kiss, and rub your little one's back to comfort them- just not until they fall asleep. No matter what- don't hop back into bed with them. Affirm them that you are right there and that everything is OK! Step Five: Start the transition Slowly start to move the chair towards the door. It is up to you to decide the exact pace you use but the general rule is to move the chair after the toddler is content with the latest chair placement. This means that if the last night was rough- then you would not try to move the chair the next day. When the little one wakes in the night, you would go and comfort your little one, and wait on the chair until they fall asleep.


Step 5: Wrapping it Up After a few weeks you can place the chair outside the door. You will have to sit on the chair for a few nights in case the little one wants to check to make sure that you are there- but once they are used to the thought of you being out of sight but very nearby, you can then just leave the room after the initial bedtime routine and snuggles.


Final Thoughts: Let me know if this works for you! If this helped at all then I want to hear!! If you need some support doing this process with your little one, or you tried and something isn't working then I recommend a one hour 1:1 sleep consulting call. Also, this strategy is not for everyone and another strategy may be a better fit for your family!


Join the Greater Vancouver Baby Sleep Help Facebook Group for more support with sleep.

Click this link to book a virtual sleep consulting info session.


Yours Truly,

Doula and Sleep Consultant Courtney

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